Manchaca UMC

Lesson 7: It is appropriate to move forward with your life

David Kessler shares that as he was grieving the loss of his son, a colleague (and fellow loss survivor) said to him, “I know that you are drowning right now. You will keep sinking for a while. There will come a point when you’ll hit bottom. Then you will have a decision to make. Do you stay here or push off and start to rise again?”

Likely you have already pushed off and started to rise. So I offer you this final lesson. It is right and appropriate for you to move forward with your life. First of all, you will likely experience a lot of growth as you do. Kessler says that post traumatic growth happens more often than post traumatic stress. Research has shown that working through grief often results in growth in our relationships, our spirituality, our inner strength and our appreciation for life. Secondly, it is not disloyal to the lost loved one to move on with our lives after the loss. That would merely turn the loss of one person into two, if we did not progress. Our lost loved ones want the best for us. As I previously mentioned, living well honors their memory. As one person put it, “Whether I like it or not, my life is continuing, and I have decided to be a part of it!”

One professor in the U.K. uses this example called, “The Shattered Vase.” Suppose you had a beautiful treasured vase which accidentally broke into many small pieces. What would you do? You can pick up the pieces, but you can not put the vase back together in the exact same way. You could, however, take the beautiful colored pieces you have gathered and use them to make something new. Perhaps a colorful mosaic heart could be created.” After the familiar life we’ve loved gets broken in life, it is still possible to create something beautiful and resilient out of what remains. It can happen only if we move forward to the future while still maintaining our love for what was lost.

~David