Manchaca UMC

Lesson 1: Loss is inevitable

We live in a time of great loss. We are experiencing loss of life, loss of employment and loss of missed opportunities (graduation, proms,trips) and the loss of a sense of security in our world. For the next several Mondays I would like to share some observations on loss and grief. These observations come from personal experience, observation and study. I offer them not as summaries of a finished conversation but as an invitation to further reflection and discovery.

My first observation is that loss is inevitable. It comes with the territory. Everyone loses someone or something. Even winners lose. Lottery winners are often worse off and less happy after they win the lottery. Annie Dillard wrote, “Loss is the rent you pay as long as you stay (on earth).” C.S. Lewis observed that to try exclude pain from living would actually exclude life itself. He noted that to love anyone is to be vulnerable, because in love our hearts can be “wrung or broken.” Indeed the only way to avoid loss and grief is to avoid loving anyone or caring about anything.

While there are many kinds of losses, it is important to note that they are all significant. What is the very worst kind of grief? A grief counselor will answer, “your own.” We may be tempted to rank losses, but all losses are painful.

Because loss is inevitable, we can be certain that we will have plenty of opportunities to grieve in our lives. What is critical to realize is that if we fail to grieve a current loss well, it will compound future losses and make them even more painful. Psychologist William Worden feels that grieving well involves accepting the reality of the loss; working through (not avoiding) the pain and grief; adjusting to the new environment; and finding an enduring connection with the deceased while moving forward with life.

Though loss is universal, the way we grieve is individual. Be careful not to judge yourself or others. Though the way we grieve is individual, it does not need to be private. As the old proverb says, “A joy shared is doubled and a grief shared is cut in half.”

~David